Think back to the birth of your first child. What were the sounds you remember? Maybe it was their first grunts and cries as they came earth side, maybe it was the sound of a nurse or your midwife telling your wife to breathe, or better yet, it was the sound of your father-in-law candidly coming in the room at the last second to say, “yep, he looks just like his grandpa.” 

For my wife and me, it was the sound of car tires on the empty roadways at 2 in the morning. Huh? By the grace of God, we were able to have our first son at home in our living room. But upon his entry into this world, my wife had a minor complication, and our birth team deemed it best to go to the hospital. Thankfully, momma and baby were totally healthy, and the minor complication was handled quite handily. 

Let’s go through the top three reasons we hear from families on their objections to having a homebirth. 

Objection: I want to make sure my wife and baby are safe. 

Totally fair, and as the spiritual leader of your house, that’s exactly what you should desire. I honor you for wanting that. Let’s return to our homebirth journey. To say going to the hospital in the middle of the night with a brand new baby wasn’t a part of the plan is an understatement. We were so unprepared for this to happen that the car seat hadn’t been fully installed, so my wife held him during the entire car ride (If you’re law enforcement, please don’t hate me). In the moment, I don’t know if I’ve ever been more concerned about my wife. We had literally gotten into bed and were moments from telling everyone to go home so we could let our new family spend our first night together. Then, in an instant, I’m learning how to put a diaper on an actual human, and we’re packing a bag to head to the hospital. 

You might hear this account and think, “See, that’s exactly why you don’t have a homebirth. It’s safer to be at the hospital.” Was there part of me that thought that in the moment? 100%. I’m thinking, “Did we make the right decision?” And “is there something different I should have done differently to ensure this didn’t happen?” But let me remind you: momma and baby were both totally fine, and the minor complication could have just as easily happened in a hospital setting. 

Now, let’s talk numbers. 

A 2015 study out of the New England Journal of Medicine did find a nearly 2.5 fold increased relative risk of infant mortality with a homebirth compared to a hospital birth. But, huge but here, it went from 1.8 out of 1,000, to 3.9 out of 1,000. Mathematically, yes, that is a nearly 250% increased risk (3.9/1.8), but in absolute real-life terms, with a homebirth, the infant mortality rate is 0.39%, and with a hospital birth, it was 0.18%. That’s tiny, nearly identical. If these were investment opportunities, and I gave you $1,000 to invest, the difference between the investments would be $2.10. That’s tiny. 

What about safety for mom? A 2014 study of nearly 17,000 homebirths in the United States found there was only one death in the entire sample. So your wife’s chance of survival is 99.99% based on those data. You might now be wondering about other safety parameters or any emergency situations that may arise. A 2024 study showed “outcomes for planned home and birth center births in the United States are comparable to each other, for low-risk pregnancies.” Outcomes refer to things such as moms health (emergency situations, C-sections, excess blood loss) and the baby's health. If you’re wondering, “How do we know if we’re low risk or not?” your birth team will know the answer to that one. 

I’ll say again, the numbers for homebirth vs non-homebirth are comparable. Hearing that one story your mom recounts of your childhood next door neighbors’ cousin homebirth that went south is the exception, not the rule. In considering these factors, it’s essential to weigh the emotional connection you have with your wife against the hospital staff's unfamiliarity. Reflect on the deep bond you share with your wife. Your commitment to each other is profound, especially as you navigate this journey together. On the other hand, the hospital staff may be new faces you spend only brief moments with throughout the pregnancy. 

So you should ask yourself, “Whom do I trust more. My wife? Or the hospital system?”

There’s no right or wrong here; it’s simply about understanding where your trust lies. Taking a moment to consider this can help guide you through this experience with confidence and support.

Objection: Finances. 

Let’s state the obvious: Money matters. But what is it that money communicates? Value. You know this quite well. When you meet up with your old buddies for a round of 18-holes, you’re willing to pay over $100 for the round because you value it. If you were to tell someone who doesn’t value golf that’s how much you paid to hit a bunch of t-shots into the woods, they’d think you’re crazy and wasting your money. But, big but here, you don’t care. Because you value it. The memories you created with your buddies will live on for years. That’s priceless. 

Ask your wife how much she values the ability to have a homebirth. Odds are, she’s going to value it more than you will. But guess what? You’re called to love your wife, and to lay down your life for her. What does that mean? It means if she finds value in something, you’re to honor that thing. You don’t have to love it, but you do have to respect it. In the same way, she allows you to go play 18 for four hours on the weekend, when she likely couldn’t care less about “well” your short game was. She doesn’t value it, but she honors and respects that time for you because she loves you. Now it’s your turn. 

Objection: I’m afraid. 

Now we’re talking. The fear you’re feeling is 100% real. It’s important to acknowledge that, call a spade a spade. 

One of our friends strongly desired to attempt a homebirth, but her husband was worried about a few things. “I don’t think you’ll be able to handle the pain,” and while yes, that statement requires a lot of unpacking, who am I to judge him? I mean, who knows his wife better than he does? He’s likely been with her through many painful moments, and if his analysis of those moments is guiding his decision-making regarding a homebirth, I trust his thinking. Most importantly, after he brought it up, his wife agreed. 

Who knows your wife better than you do? Ask yourself, do you think your wife would be able to handle the physical, mental, and spiritual load of laboring at home? No wrong answer here; you know your wife better than any other human on the planet, but you should be able to explain your answer to her. 

The last question I’ll ask of you: Do you believe it’s your role to protect your wife from all pain and suffering? Unjust pain and suffering for sure, but what about challenging moments that allow for deep personal and spiritual growth? You put yourself through “pain and suffering” at the gym, so why do you put yourself through that? Because you know the growth that will come on the other side of it (Unless we’re talking about growing your calves, those things will never grow). Shouldn’t your wife be allowed that same opportunity to grow from her challenging moments?

In the case above, maybe the husband didn’t believe his wife could grow from that challenge, and maybe he thought it would lead to unjust pain and suffering. Huge speculations on my part. 

“25Husbands, love your wifes, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy…” (Ephesians 5:25-26). To make her holy is to set her apart; having a homebirth would for sure statistically follow that. To be set apart isn’t easy, but Jesus doesn’t call us to an easy life. Let me speak truth into you right now, if your wife feels at peace with having a homebirth, if she’s aware of the benefits, risks, and alternatives, and still chooses a homebirth, man, I’m telling you loving her means trusting her God-given intuition. If the Spirit is tugging on her to do this, listen to Him (the Spirit). 

“Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them” (Joshua 1:6). Contextually, God gave this instruction to Joshua as he was leading the Israelites into the promised land. Even though it was the promised land, the book of Numbers tells us that the people were afraid to enter the land. Even though God promised it to them, they were still uncomfortable about it. 

Why do you think God told them to “be strong and courageous”? Because they were fearless? Not by a country mile! They were terrified! The book of Numbers mentions that the Israelite spies saw giants in the land (the very giants from whom Goliath descended). But God tells Joshua in verse 5, “As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Amen brother. 

The journey of choosing between homebirth and hospital birth is deeply personal and requires you to weigh the values of safety, emotional connection, and financial considerations together with your wife. Trust in her instincts and the relationship you’ve built as a team—her well-being and comfort are paramount. Open and honest discussions about your hopes and concerns will not only strengthen your bond but also empower you both to make informed decisions that reflect your family's values. And ultimately, know you’re not in control of everything. Release that burden, and watch how freeing life can be.