“My God, my god, why have You forsaken me? Far from my help are the words of my groaning. My God, I cry out by day, but You do not answer; And by night, but I have no rest” - Psalm 22:1-2 NASB2020

What are we supposed to do in life when things get hard?

The biblical authors wrestled with this question daily. King David, one of the most beloved kings in ancient Israel and the author of the Psalm above, wrestled with it mightily. Maybe you wrestle with this question frequently – “When I’m exercising, and it gets hard, what should I do?” Or “when I’ve been up all night with my child and feel like I can’t even muster the strength to make strength (aka coffee)?” Or “when I’m in so much pain I can’t even go on our family's nightly walk, what should I do?”

If you’re like me, one of three things happens when things get hard:

1. I think it means something “wrong” is happening.

That means I feel the need to change; to become impatient, and to think that if I make the right change, things will get easier. In the exercise example, I’ll start thinking I slept wrong and then scour Amazon to find a Magnesium supplement that can be shipped to my house within the hour. Or if I’m in pain, I’ll think I ate the wrong thing for breakfast three days ago and swear off eggs and sourdough for a week. I hyperfixate and exhaust myself trying to conceive a solution to fix my self-reported problem.

2. I run away from the test entirely

I’ll stop the workout right then and there. I’m ashamed to admit I’ve yelled at wayyyy too many barbells and bumper plates for missing lifts. Or I’ll leave the room if I can’t seem to console my son. “Better than yelling at him,” I’ll say to myself. But, is that really better? By running, am I just delaying a challenging opportunity that’s supposed to test and change me? (My wife wonderfully reminded me that there are situations where “temporarily leaving a situation” and giving yourself time to study what just happened might be your best course of action. That’s a totally different mindset than straight up running from a situation, as I’ve done many times).

3. I “lean in” to the test

I take a breath, send up a prayer, and remove expectations for the outcome. Removing expectations helps me let go of control and reframe my current experience. It’s as if we’ve made it hard on ourselves by expecting a certain outcome. I’ll think, “This past week, when I got up with my son, it hasn’t been as hard. Why is it so hard now?” There’s an infinite number of reasons, but rather than dwell upon them, I’ll say, “It’s okay, it’s just a hard night.”

Think back to taking a test in college; what did you do when, in the midst of the test, things got hard? You might have studied the wrong material, in which case, yes, you did do something “wrong.” But it’s not helpful for you to ruminate on that once the test begins; better to try and answer it, then leave it blank. It’s kind of hard to run away (I’m sure you got some interesting looks if you tried to PR your 40-yard dash time in the middle of a test). But again, you’re likely to get a better score by remaining in your seat and attempting to answer the questions.

Inevitably, your best decision is to try and answer the questions; to lean in. While you may get some “wrong,” your odds of getting some “right” are better than overanalyzing or running away to the point of not answering any questions. When things get hard in life – parenting, exercise, work – I think the same strategy of leaning in is your best bet. You’re better off leaning in and trying to finish that last ten minutes of your exercise circuit, or attempting to go into your kiddos' room in the middle of the night, even though your alarm is going off in an hour.

The Psalmist goes on to say in “All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, And all the families of the nations will worship before you.” - Psalm 22:27. Did you catch that? “Remember and turn.” What does it mean to turn? The Hebrew word carries the idea of turning back or returning. An active process, the same as leaning in.



So what are you to do when life gets hard? Start by remembering you’ve done hard things before. A former podcast guest astutely said, “We have a 100% track record of figuring it out.” Then return to the moment. Take a breath. Say a prayer. And lastly? Lean in. “It’s okay, it’s just a hard night.”